External and Internal Hells
by Juliet Grace
Summary: "School was like a former Hell for me. That was until my mom decided it would be best for me to go back and try to live the life a normal teenager had. You know, the one without cancer? I don't think she understood that going back would make everything much worse."


**So this is a small preview to my upcoming fic. **

**Its inspired by John Green's "The Fault In Our Stars", it has some lines from the book, which will be underlined and found at the bottom with the page number and chapter number. I still don't know how I feel about this but either way it's getting posted. And like most of my fics it will be Perlia so there you go. Certain characters will be presented in later chapters. **

**- Jay**

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"_**L**ate in the winter of my seventeenth year, my mother decided I was depressed, presumably because I rarely left the house, spent quite a lot of time in bed, read the same book over and over, ate infrequently, and devoted quite a bit of my abundant free time to thinking about death." _

_Chapter One, The Fault in Our Star_

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School was like a former Hell for me.

That was until my mom decided it would be best for me to go back and try to live the life a normal teenager had. You know, the one without cancer? I don't think she understood that going back would make everything much worse. I can already picture the hundreds of eyes on me as I walk up the front steps, panting like the air is being ripped from my lung, particle by particle.

And that's how it went essentially. I had the added bonus of having my brother, Jason, towing my oxygen tank behind us. If anyone had it worse than me in my family, it was my brother. Now, not only did he had the title of the "Healthiest Offspring", but he was also expected to do the exact opposite of me. Be the "Golden Child": which he was. He had to be the brains: the future Brain Surgeon in the family; the athletic jock: run five hundred laps every morning; the charmer: charm the prettiest and nicest girl and start a family. _A healthy, non-cancer infected family. _

Good luck, champ.

Meanwhile, all I had to do is stay alive longer enough to see my brother's wedding and first child, and that's going to be difficult considering the guy's only fifteen at the moment. So I guess you could say my parents are asking a lot.

Me: "So all you want me to do is live another ten years, right?"

Mom: "Precisely, sweetpea. Just long enough to see your brother's future wife and son/daughter."

Me: "So live another ten years of an agonizing cancer filled life?"

Mom: "If you don't mind."

Me: "Is there anything else?"

Mom: "Oh, mind telling your body to accept the antibiotics? Let them miraculously kill your cancer, and become un-terminally ill?"

Me: "Yeah sure, no prob. I'll let them know you asked. It might be awhile till they respond. My brain is currently focusing on my lungs, pressurizing them to do their intended job."

Mom: "That's a girl, Thal. You deserve the best life."

Yeah "_You deserve the best life_", another ten years of cancer is the best life I deserve? That's shit. That's essentially God taking the biggest, smelliest dump on me and then asking if He can take another one...for ten more years. Perfect. Just my luck.

"You know you don't have to do this," Jason said looking up. His golden hair sticking up at every end, his usual buzz cut hasn't been in place for ages. Just that's another side-effect to my cancer: my brother doesn't get his regular haircuts.

"It's fine," I wheezed. _When did these stairs get so steep and tiring? _"Besides I would never had heard the end of it if I didn't. My mom would buzz on about it till I conceded. Better sooner rather than later."

Jason nodded quietly. And that was the end of our conversation for the week. I had deep suspicions that my brother (not-so) secretly hated me for having cancer. Like its my fault entirely, like I asked God to give me a touching of cancer. Yeah, cause _that _made perfect sense.

So we continued on in silence. Jason walked me to reception and then promptly left with a brief wave. Sweet of him, really. I signed a form, then a another one and then another, and this continued on for the next twelve minutes of my shortening life. Another dump from God. I smiled at the receptionist lady as I handed back the last form in exchange for my schedule. I even got an offer for someone to carry for oxygen tank for me. I politely declined, I could only just withstand my family forcing me to allow them to carry it for me, for a stranger to do that was maddening.

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**And that's the start of it ladies and gentleman. I hope you enjoyed it. Tell me what you think by reviewing. Tell me if it's worth continuing!**

**- Jay**


End file.
